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Conquering each step

This is a post I originally wanted to write a week ago today. There was so much emotion flowing through me that I was just too exhausted to write it at the time. I had trouble finishing it throughout the week because I couldn't quite recapture the feeling I had. Hopefully by the end of this post it comes through. Enjoy!

Wednesday's run was something special.

It was a seven mile run that started with a one mile loop around the YMCA and out to the golf course and back. Pretty boring. What made the run "special" is the reason I am a runner.

The day "started" with me buying a knee brace and a pack of 5 Hour Energy after I got off work. My knee had responded well to my three mile run the day before but I thought I might need a little more support. The 5 Hour Energy was needed because I was tired - as usual. I had a plan of: med ball core workout - yoga - 7 mile run. So I needed the extra boost to get me through. The core workout went great and we stretched our hamstrings a lot in yoga. I don't always take care of my hamstrings like I should so I really need the extra stretching.

As I said before, I was tired. My hamstrings were a little sore from all the stretching. My insoles in my shoes need to be replaced so my feet were hurting. My knee wasn't bad but the brace that I bought was not very comfortable. I was ready to go home because my iPhone 4 was scheduled to arrive. I really wanted to get to bed so I could get up when Staci and the kids got home. I knew we had nothing to do for a change and we could all just sit around and relax that night. As I was walking out the door to run it started to rain very lightly and I heard thunder. So it is safe to say I was a little "comfortable".

I used the first mile to get an idea of how my knee would feel and get used to the brace. Everything was good so I was off to the out and back. The next three miles were good. I really wanted to keep between a 9:00 and 9:30 minute/mile pace, which is where I want to be on an easy run, and I was right on target.

And then my run became more than just a run.

When I got to mile four it was time to turn around. Literally as I was turning around the rain began to come down much harder. I had no choice but to rip my ipod off my arm and stick it into my pocket because I didn't want to get any water damage to it. I had three miles to go with no music. Which for me might as well be 300 miles. I always run with music because, well...if you haven't noticed I kinda like it. So you can add that to the list of things I was whining about. Running without music isn't impossible. It just gives me that extra motivation that I need sometimes. And boy did I need it on this day! Or so I thought.

As the rain got a little heavier I heard more thunder. "No big deal as long as there is no lightning.....oh shit I just saw lightning. I think....no that was just my imagination." Either way I knew the rest of the run was gonna be a challenge.

And a challenge it was.

I got to the point where physically, mentally and emotionally I was drained. Right around the 4 1/2 mile area. My marathon training hasn't been going as well as it should (yet another thing to add to my whining list) so I knew for certain that no matter what I NEED to finish and I NEED to finish strong. I can't keep feeling like this is too much. I NEED to push through. I NEED to stop whining and toughen up. I NEED to do this NOW!

What happened next was the reason I love being a runner.

What happened was I stopped all of the whining and accepted the fact that I was completely drained and told myself "Conquer each step." It was time to forget about how I felt. Forget about how many miles I had left. Stop worrying about the finish. Just "conquer each step." Nothing else matters. Just one step at a time. Each step is a heartbeat and if the steps stop I will die. I NEED to make this step. I NEED to "conquer each step."

It is that kind of mental game that you have to play with yourself that makes you stronger not only as a runner but also as a person. I know that the focus and drive that I had on this run will be something I can lean on in future runs especially my marathon. I will know I can dig deep and finish even if I feel I have every reason to quit. No matter what, I can "conquer each step."

Comments

  1. amazing isnt it?? how when you go right up against your edge - you find a space. an opening. and if you take it, you become ever better than you were just a few moments ago. proud of you! <3

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